Beware of the Overshare

I’ve noticed a workplace trend lately – the overshare.  It seems that people work so much that they consider colleagues like close friends or family members.  And when they’re diagnosed with a long-term condition with an acronym like PSTD or ADHD or become pregnant (for example) it’s the most natural thing in the world to tell officemates immediately.

My advice is to think twice about this.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m sure your manager and co-workers care about you.  But the truth is, their first priority is to the work that needs to get done, and even if you are personally convinced that your affliction will not affect your ability to perform, they may begin to unconsciously doubt you as a result of receiving this extra information.

Even non-medical disclosures might undermine your reputation and cause you unnecessary headaches.  For instance, last year, a piece I wrote on coming out at work was much more controversial than I expected – sadly, a lot of work environments are still hostile to openly gay employees.

Bottom line: just be discreet.  If your medical condition or lifestyle choice truly doesn’t impact your job, then people at work shouldn’t need to know about it.  If you must share out of necessity or because it’s causing you too much stress to maintain complete secrecy, then keep your circle of informants small and limited to people you really trust.

Comments

[Laura]

I would add, if you're going to only tell a few people, make sure those people won't tell their few 'close' office friends. Who will then tell a few of their friends, and so on. That will lead to it being spread all over the office despite you trying to keep it quiet.

Fact: people like to gossip. Make sure you aren't the subject of that gossip if you don't want to be. Whispers or rumors about a 'condition' could lead to it being exaggerated or turned around, which could lead to negative consequences for you.

[Kris]

I agree with your comments fully. I have experienced this on the other side. I have a colleague (a VP) who shares EVERY intimate detail of a family member's illness and the burden it is on her. I mean, that is all she talks about, even above work, and this has been going on for at least 6 months. While I feel badly for her personal situation, I have definitely lost respect for her in the workplace.

[ObservantOne]

I would say most offices, those filled with woman at least, have more of a problem with over-prying coworkers than oversharing coworkers.

[robin @ men image advice]

Really good advice, the problem with personal info is that people draw their own conclusions from it and make up the rest of the story!

[Rebel Consultant]

Great advice Alexandra. The same issue can be extended to dealing with customers, especially for those of us in the consulting business.

[Liz]

I regularly read this blog and think most of your advice is right on. I have to say, though, that sexuality isn’t a “lifestyle choice” or an “affliction” (cause of persistent pain or distress). I’m surprised to read this negative language here.

I agree that, sadly, some workplaces are still hostile toward openly gay employees, and legal protections don’t exist in most states, so people in hostile work environments can be forced to be cautious.

However, I have to disagree that being openly gay in the workplace is, in general, “oversharing”.

[JIM]

I know those who tend to do this -a lot. Perhaps it is due to those seeking approval / affirmation, etc.

It is difficult to change this habit, but very worthwhile to do so.
Thanks for the previous posts. Very helpful.

[JIM]

Second Posting:
I have had three knee surgeries and shoulder surgery. Coworkers understand that and accept the applicable limitations.
Mental illness, while under Doctors' care, is an extremely sensitive topic.

Beware, when you share.

[Dr. K]

I like your post! My rule is simple: When in doubt, leave it out!

[Libby]

I agree> I think personal matters should be kept out of work. Sure, with long hours, these become the only people you can confide in, but you have to remember that it could effect the work you get to do with them later.