How to Get What You're Asking For

The best things come to those who ask.  But exactly how you ask a contact for help affects your likelihood of success.  And in fact, I’ve had people ask me things so inappropriately that I don’t respond even if I can in fact help them.  Here are some best practices from the smart folks over at Stepcase Lifehack that I generally agree with:

Don’t overwhelm: There’s no cut-and-dry solution to this, unfortunately, but the rule of thumb is this.  Initiate contact once, and then wait a week.  If you don’t hear back, ping them again. If you don’t hear back after that one, it’s over. This keeps future options open because you haven’t harassed them until they can’t stand you anymore, but makes sure they didn’t just miss you the first time.

Show mutual benefit: Often, we tend to focus constantly on what we bring the table: our skills, background, education, etc. What many people ignore, however, is that many people just flat out like helping people. We all love being the one who “gave them a chance when no one would,” especially when it turns into a success story. Don’t be afraid to talk about how what you’re asking for would benefit you, too.

Be direct: Odds are, the person you’re contacting doesn’t have tons of time to spare. So don’t waste it – get to the point. There are right ways and wrong ways to do this, obviously, but don’t dance around an issue. A 13-paragraph email isn’t going to get read nearly as often as a two-paragraph email that says essentially the same thing. They’ll appreciate your effort and consideration of their time.

Be you: In talking to various employers, they’ve all said the same thing: the unique people get noticed. Most people, frankly, do exactly the same thing, in the same format, without any personality or interest.  So be you, and let your personality affect what you say and do.

Ask not what they can do for you: When you contact someone, don’t ask anything from them. Don’t say “please get in touch,” or “call me back,” or anything like that. Instead, ask them what you can do – who can you get in touch with? What can you do to get the ball rolling? Put the onus for action on yourself – the less the other person has to do, the more likely they are to do it. And odds are, they’ll do something to help you out anyway.

Some other great tips I’ve heard lately? 

Send your contact a card congratulating her on a recent accomplishment, connect her to someone else who can be useful to her, and provide a resource that will further her business.  The thing to remember is that you have to build a relationship in which you are perceived as credible and trustworthy before you start asking for favors. 

 

Comments

[Dan Erwin]

Alexandra: This is a great subject and so important that I dug around and wrote a white paper on the subject. It's a top agenda for many of my clients, and has been for years. The free paper is on on my website and appropriately entitled, how to ask questions and not be perceived as a dumb ass. I even laid out the protocols and scripts for the process. http://danerwin.com/white_papers/dumb_ass.html

[Alexandra Levit]

@Dan E: Thanks for the paper, it's terrific!

[Erik Gaull]

Alexandra --

One thing I've found important is a Thank You note -- especially if you're doing either an informational interview or a real interview. Anytime you're doing either, a hand-written note works best. If it's a simple favor, an e-mail thank you will generally suffice, but a hand-written note is NEVER unwelcome.