There is Always Somebody Better

It is a dangerous game to compare yourself to other people.  It is even more dangerous to say that you want to be the best at any given thing.  

If you base your internal feeling of worthiness on this, you will always be disappointed.  You may even become clinically depressed – because it’s impossible.  No matter who are you, there will always be someone out there who’s better than you in some way.  Maybe your sister is better looking, your friend’s children are better behaved, or your neighbor can afford a house with five bedrooms whereas you can only afford one with three.  This reality often leads to jealousy, and an inherent dissatisfaction with what you do have. 

How do you get past this?  It might help you to consider whether you even want to be the best.  For example, the most gorgeous people in the world have a hard time getting others to see past their looks.  People who are bestselling authors and CEOs usually have no balance in their lives because they are always traveling and struggling to maintain their place at the top. 

Even if you did get to be #1, this alone wouldn’t make you happy.  I wrote about this last year, but essentially, you have to really sit down and consider what success means to you personally.  Set a goal, and when you achieve it, try reflecting on that instead of the people who have more and are doing more. 

 

Comments

[Scott Peters]

Great Post. Where were you when I almost got divorced after getting promoted to VP? I will share to my crew of people. Started my own company to build an environment where people can live to their own personal and professional aspirations.

Thanks for the valuable insight

[Daniel Edlen]

My sculpture teacher used to love to say to people "There'll always be somebody better and somebody worse than you. So what does it matter?" This definitely applies to more that just art. It's about doing what you do in each moment, without judgement or comparison. You are perfect at every step.

Peace.

[Chris]

Thanks for the reminder! It is hard to minimize external comparisons, they are so easy to make and allows you to avoid answering the age old question "what is success?".

Your answer to the question makes a lot of sense; yet I still struggle to answer it.

[Alexandra Levit]

@Scott: I'm glad you almost got divorced, but didn't get divorced. :)

@Daniel: I like the art comparison, it crystallizes the meaning. Thanks!

@Chris: I struggle too, no doubt about it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Curt Rosengren]

So true. And on a related note, when we compare ourselves to others, we typically aren't comparing ourselves to reality. We're comparing ourselves to our idealized version of what we think we see.

We often don't have the full story. For example, we see people's ultra-success, but don't see the warts-n-all reality behind the scenes. We don't see the bumps and bruises they've had along the way, or we don't see the fact that behind the face of public success lies a personal life in shambles.

So we end up comparing ourselves to a one-dimensional caricature, and then wonder why we come up short.

[Alexandra Levit]

@Curt: Brilliant comment, thank you so much. In fact, your thoughts make me want to write a follow up, because the grass IS always greener on the other side. That's a cliche for a reason.