5 Networking Tips So Your Contacts Won’t Feel Used

Hey, Person I Need!   Long time no talk! How are you?!  Sorry I haven’t written you in 17 years — boy have I been busy — but here’s some contrived anecdote to show I’ve been thinking about you.  Thought you’d like to hear these few random things that are going on with me, too.  Oh, by the way, I was thinking you could hire me/refer me/help me in some other way I’ve been generous enough to dream up for you.  And since I’m sure you’re dying to read my resume, it’s attached.  Totally can’t wait to catch up!

Sincerely,

Most Transparent Jobseeker Ever

On her Fortune blog, The Gig, Nadira Hira posted this e-mail – and it was only partially in jest.  Nadira has received “networking” e-mails just like this from tons of people in the last couple of months, and I have to admit, it hit a little too close to home.  See, while I love to help other people out, I don’t want to feel like I’m being blatantly used, and I’ll do much more for the person if I feel that we have a genuine, ongoing relationship.  Says Nadira by way of advice:

As understandable and essential as the urge to work one’s connections is in times like these, there’s still an art to doing it. It’s rooted in basic common sense and good manners, and it applies in every situation, whether you’re sending an e-mail, Facebook message, smoke signal, singing telegram, or (gasp) letter.  So, in the interest of maintaining our networking dignity, here are a couple suggestions for reaching out the right way:

1. Be honest (no, really). When we try too hard to be all greats and giggles — especially in an attempt to obscure the fact that we want something — it usually has just the opposite effect. Why not, instead, try telling the truth? “I know it’s been a long time,” you might say, “but I recently started looking for a new job and, since you’re one of the people who’s offered help in that arena over the years, I thought I’d check in.”

2. Ask for advice, not a gig. It’s never really proper to ask for a job outright unless you’re in an actual interview. But with the job market in the state it is, and everyone worried about their own job, it’s particularly poor form right now. Some people may not even respond to you if they feel pressured to produce a possible job or broker an introduction, so focus your energy on seeking out good advice, insights, and resources.
3. Do not attach your resume. And for that matter, don’t attach any other representations of your wonderfulness that are likely to lock up people’s inboxes, even if you’re sure they like you. Not only can it seem presumptuous, it also looks a bit desperate.
4. Facebook doesn’t change anything. In our age of social networking, it can be tempting to use the relaxed attitude of tools like Facebook to take the work out of networking. Even on the Web, people know when they’re being used, and they don’t like it. So apply the same amount of courtesy and concern there as you would everywhere else.
5. Show a little gratitude. Remember that everyone, from the C-suite all the way down, is under pressure right now. So thank them for their time, and if they make an effort to respond, even if they don’t say much, realize it means something — and say so. 

Comments

[Eric Charles]

Good article! I spread the word. :)

[BillVick]

I love reading Alexandra's views. Networking is so basic the rules are pretty simple and obvious but we all need to be reminded of what it is and is not. Its kind of the Golden Rule isn't it? Thanks for reminding us Alexandra.

[Alexandra Levit]

@Eric: Why, thank you!

@Bill: Great to see you on WCW, my friend, and thanks a million for the support.

[Jacob Summers]

Wonderufl, wonderful. I appreciate this a lot, as so many people forget that all important personal touch.

[Craig Peters]

Great post, Alexandra. When I first got into business, the best networking advice I found was to go out and ask people for honest advice (your points #1 & 2).

We just presented a seminar in San Francisco last night on Social Capital and we covered a lot of the things in your post here.

We find lots of people looking for some special way to handle difficult conversations. A lot of our answers boil down to your point #1: Just be honest.

Your comment about facebook is great. Rich, one of our partners, just wrote "this isn’t a contest of who can collect the most friends on Facebook" on a post yesterday (http://socialcapitalmentor.com/2009/02/24/how-to-network-a-networking-event-process/).

Glad to have found your blog. I've got some good friends and family in Chicago. I'll tell them to check you out.

[Jessica]

As you mentioned, with so many jobs on the brink, networking can be especially touchy these days. This recent Forbes article talks about how to approach networking when your network is all laid off.
http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/18/jobs-networking-linkedin-leadership-careers_basics.html

[Al Duncan]

Alexandra, this is an excellent post. Especially #4 "facebook doesn't change a thing." ...people drive me nuts..."thanks for the add. Now that we're friends, do you want to sign up for my get rich tomorrow program?" Grrr...*as he un-friend's them*

This is my first time checking you out. Found you on Alltop. Great blog. I'm definitely adding you to my blog roll.

I wrote an article a while back - Ten Powerful Networking Questions that relates to your second point.
http://www.millennialmentor.com/2007/07/10-powerful-networking-questions_26.html

[Alexandra Levit]

@Jacob: Glad you agree. Apps like Facebook are great, but if you get lazy with them, they can backfire.

@Craig: I like how simply you put it: ask for honest advice. Do you mind if I steal the phrase? :) Question: what is the definition of social capital in your mind?

@Jessica: Great article, thanks for sharing! I too think that networking has gotten more touchy, since everyone is totally stressed out and more crunched for time than ever.

@Al: Welcome, and thanks so much for posting the link to your article. I'll definitely check it out!

[Kelly Giles]

I love this post! It's great to have someone finally address that awkward situation of contacting someone you should've stayed in touch with but didn't. I just combined this article with one of Irene Koehler's under the heading of, "Two Must-Read Digital Networking Articles." (tarheelsintransit.wordpress.com) I think my fellow seniors at UNC will benefit from your tactics as much as I have. Thanks again!