Is Your Mom Following You to Work?

Anita Bruzzese has an interesting post on mothers’ influence on career success.  Anita cites the work of a psychologist, Stephan Poulter, who has written a new book, The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life.

The book’s thesis is that whether we acknowledge it or not, our mothers leave an indelible impression on the people we become. Our ability to function in personal and professional relationships - both personal and professional - is based on our mothers' deep influence and is based on their “styles.”  Poulter defines the five major styles of mothering as:

• The Perfectionist Mother: whose family must look perfect in every way
• The Unpredictable Mother: whose ups and downs can create lifelong anxiety and depression in her son or daughter
• The "Me First" Mother: whose children come second or last
• The "Best Friend" Mother: who's now in vogue but can wreak havoc
• The Complete Mother: who provides guidance and shows compassion to her child

This got me thinking about my own situation.  My mother was a combination of unpredictable and “me first.”  According to Poulter, this partially explains why I have always struggled to please everyone I work with and feel uncomfortable unless I’m receiving external validation of my good performance.  It also now makes sense why I always want to feel like I’m top dog, the most, or at least one of the most, valued contributors on the team. 

What are/were your mothers like, and how do you think it affects your attitude and relationships on the job?

Comments

[Alexandra Levit]

I agree, Anita. The thesis of the book seems to make enough sense that I don't think there's harm in discussing it!

[Anita Bruzzese]

Thanks for linking to my post. Some people have been a bit outraged that we seem to blame our mothers for everything, but I think any information that might help us understand ourselves better -- where we've been and where we're headed -- is valuable. It's just part of the puzzle...not an entire solution.
Anita Bruzzese
www.45things.com