Alexandra Levit's Water Cooler Wisdom

When New Years Resolutions Aren’t Resolute

Resolute (adj):  firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion.

Tomorrow begins a New Year, and as such, it is the time of New Years Resolutions. It’s a common joke that we Americans are very fond of making a list of items we want to achieve in the new year – from losing weight and getting in shape to taking a self-improvement course and looking for a new job - and then abandoning half these things come February.

Thinking about it, New Years Resolutions aren’t very resolute, because people are not firmly resolved or determine to do them. They just sound good in theory, so we make ourselves feel better about our lives by saying that we’ll take action when we have no real intention of doing so.

In the last year, I have listened to too many of my friends routinely complain about the circumstances of their lives, circumstances which they had resolved to change and then didn’t. It’s frustrating to witness, because these things are completely in their control. They’re the only ones who can transform their lives for the better, and yet they are held back by fear or inertia or laziness.

It probably won’t surprise you that I’m a huge fan of Ayn Rand, whose objectivism philosophy dictates that the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness or rational self-interest, with productive achievement as one’s noblest activity. Ayn would say that these friends of mine, especially those with dead-end jobs they refuse to leave, aren’t fulfilling their potential as human beings, and that they have a duty to make a couple of serious New Years Resolutions and then stick to them.

And if they don’t, they should at least quit whining about it, because they have no one to blame but themselves.

Beware of Subtle Self-Sabotage at Work

We’ve spent some time on this blog discussing the warning signs that you may be in firing range at work, or that you’re unhappy in your current job situation.  This week, CNN.com has an interesting piece on ways we might unknowingly sabotage our own efforts at a successful career.  Among the highlights:

• Not keeping your skill set current:  The business landscape is ever-changing and there is more demand for jobs than supply. Not staying on par with colleagues and those vying for your job will be a deathtrap. Companies are looking for ways to reduce expenses or get the maximum return on their investments, and if someone else is capable of producing a greater return, you are at risk of being replaced.
• Failing to deliver results: Winners in business know that it's all about accountability. Those who harbor a sense of entitlement for simply having put forth effort, irrespective of the results of those efforts, are guaranteed to fall by the wayside.
• Confusing efficiency with effectiveness: Those who think that communicating via e-mail replaces the need to actually talk with people around them fail to recognize the importance of personally connecting with others in today's highly automated and technological environment.
• Believing you are irreplaceable: As soon as you convince yourself that you and only you can do the job right, your star will surely start to fall.
• Knowing all the answers: Professing to know it all can readily stagnate a career. Winners remain unceasingly interested in learning ideas and approaches. They stay current, get new ideas to follow up on and earn the respect of their teams.
• Losing perspective: Intuitive business people recognize that, despite their best attempts to do everything right, sometimes they approach roadblocks and seek the advice and perspective of a respected friend, colleague or even a business coach.

This is a great wake-up call for the current crop of employees who believe that merely showing up to work equals a paycheck.  All talk of the labor shortage aside, as things stand you must continually prove your value in order to be worthy of a place in most organizations. 

Deciding Your Future at Eighteen?

Last night, my husband and I were watching Northwestern campus programming on the Big Ten Network.  We both graduated from NU in the late 90s, which, after seeing the profiles of a few students in the class of 2011, seems like an eternity ago.  We remembered with nostalgia moving into our first dorms, meeting our roommates for the first time, and attending an endless series of campus-sponsored barbecues for new freshmen.

The documentary showed the featured students preparing to register for their first quarter of classes, which unlike us, they would do individually, entirely by computer.  These eighteen year-olds had to make educated decisions about the subjects they would learn about, and while some of them were stressed out by this prospect, others were super-confident that they already knew exactly what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives.

My husband and I, in our early thirties, chuckled at this.  We barely recalled the people we were as college freshmen, but he’d initially been a math major and I thought I might actually have a career in the theater.  My husband eventually went to graduate school and became a professor of clinical psychology, and I am a business advice author and marketing professional.  It was not possible for our paths to diverge more from what we first set out to do with our post-secondary education, and yet we’re perfectly happy and satisfied with the careers we have today.

In nearly every speech that I give to college-age audiences, I emphasize that your career is a journey, not a destination.  There is simply no way to know where you want to be ten or twenty years down the line when you are eighteen or even twenty-two years old.  The best thing you can do for yourself is get as well-rounded an education as possible, learning about as many subjects as you can and keeping your options open.  If you have the chance to experience a new field, even for a day, grab it, and if something catches your eye, investigate it.  Next week begins a New Year – carpe diem!

"Think Twice" Before Making a Wrong Move

In their 2008 Investor’s Guide, Fortune Magazine offered ten tips to help us prevent the heat of the moment from melting our better judgment. The tips form an acronym – Think Twice – and are worth keeping in mind no matter what you’re thinking about or what decision you’re trying to make.

1. Take the Global View. Always keep an eye on where you’re headed.
2. Hope for the Best – But Expect the Worst. Having a plan for the worst case scenario can help keep you from panicking.
3. Investigate then Invest. Get the facts; count the cost.
4. Never Say Always. Leave room for error.
5. Know What You Don’t Know. Don’t assume you know it all; keep an open mind.
6. The Past Is Not a Prologue. Things tend to move in cycles.
7. Weigh What They Say. Know where your information is coming from.
8. If It Sounds Too Good to Be True, It Probably Is. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
9. Costs Are Killers. Keep an eye on the details. The little things can make the difference.
10. Eggs Go Splat. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t burn your bridges or pin all your hopes on one solution. Have a back-up.

Thanks to Michael McKinney at Leading Blog for sharing this brilliant advice, which is appropriate for everyone from the entry-level employee fresh out of college, to the CEO of a major, multi-national corporation.  I am printing it out and putting it on my bulletin board.

Is Showing Sympathy Outdated?

A few months ago, I wrote about the possibility that chivalry was dead in the modern world.  Recently, though, I’ve wondered if some types of consideration might be dead too.  Here’s where this is coming from.  In early November, my mother and my husband’s grandmother passed away in the span of a week.  Small memorial services were held for both, but after that I noticed a stark contrast in the way people reacted to me and my father-in-law as mourners.

I’ve heard before that Generations X and Y do everything – including sympathy – via the Web.  Even as a member of late Gen X, though, this seems weird to me.  I was always taught that if someone you know decently well is in mourning, you send a snail mail card, flowers, or a donation, and you call at least once to see how they are doing.  The number of personal friends and business associates in my circle who knew of my mother’s death but did none of these things was pretty astounding.  Some people sent e-mails, and I guess they figured that was enough. 

Meanwhile, my father-in-law and his sister were busy writing 150 thank you notes to the vast number of people who visited with food, ran errands, and called repeatedly to check in while they mourned the death of their mother.  Did the fact that they are members of a different generation, where surrounding your friend or family member who has suffered a loss with comfort and support is considered a priority, have anything to do with it?  I believe that it did.

Generation X, and Generation Y even more so, have a reputation for being self-absorbed.  Well, folks, in the workplace today, everything that gets done, and every success you have, is usually the result of a strong relationship.  We are all busy, we all have too much on our plates, and we all complain that sometimes it feels like life is just moving too quickly for us to keep up.  But I’m here to tell you that if you want to stand out as a go to person, then it’s important to master things like sympathy protocol.  If someone you know is suffering, be better than everyone else at taking a few minutes to find out what they need and give it to them.  People really appreciate those who come through in a crisis.

Superdads Are Stretched Too

It’s interesting.  You always hear about supermoms trying to do it all, but what about superdads?  Here’s what Stephanie Armour at USA Today has to say about this issue:

Todd Scott, 32, has two children under age 5.  Each workday, he leaves his job at Himmelrich Public Relations in Baltimore at 5 p.m. to be with his family, and even then feels guilty he isn't spending enough time with Hunter, 4, and Anna, 1.  Scott's approach to balancing work and family contrasts with that of his boss, Steve Himmelrich, 48, who has two children and is a more traditional-style dad, spending many long hours, free time and some weekends at the office. Himmelrich says he supports Scott's parenting strategy, but both acknowledge it has been a source of tension between them.

Their situation reflects the conflicts that are becoming increasingly common in workplaces across the nation, as fathers press for more family time and something other than a traditional career path. As dads demand paternity leave, flexible work schedules, telecommuting and other new benefits, they've ignited what workplace specialists are calling the Daddy Wars.

A survey this year by Monster.com found that most working fathers, like Scott, want to be more involved in family life.  Nearly 70% of fathers surveyed by Monster said they would consider being a stay-at-home parent if money were no object.  The survey also found that working dads are increasingly tapping into benefits that until just a few years ago were used almost exclusively by mothers: 71% of fathers with a child under age 5 took paternity leave when it was offered by their employer.

I guess I never realized the extent to which dads were pulled in the same directions as moms.  I’d love to hear from some dads who work full time.  Does this article and the Monster study reflect the issues you face?

New Episode: 30/20 Vision Radio Show

Just a heads up that a new episode of the 30/20 Vision Radio Show will air live tomorrow at BlogTalkRadio at 3PM ET.  As I reminder, I host this monthly radio show with my fellow authors Christine Hassler (20-Something, 20-Everything) and Lindsey Pollak (Getting from College to Career), and our goal is to provide "big sister" advice to men and women in their twenties. Tomorrow's episode will focus on our tips for maintaining effective work/life balance in the New Year. 

Hope some of you will listen live, but please feel free to check out the podcast afterwards and let us know what you think.

Holiday Etiquette at the Office

Every year, I get asked by one media outlet or another how to handle the office holiday party.  This year, I decided to share the advice I and others provided to the Wall Street Journal last weekend:

“We spend so much time communicating on Blackberries and e-mail, the office party is a rare opportunity to really meet the people who work around you," I said.  “Instead of overindulging in food or spending too much time at the open bar with your friends, try to speak with top-level executives you might not otherwise interact with and to make new contacts within the company.  Take note of interesting people you meet at the party and then send them a hand-written holiday card or ask them to lunch.”

Added Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room:  “Before the party do some research on the executives likely to be there, check the company Web site and read the newspaper. With the information fresh in your mind, mingle with as many people as possible.  The small talk will lead to the big talk.  Avoid too much work talk but use this informal setting to ask others how they began working at the company and for advice for someone new to the field.”

And what about gift giving at the office?  Since managers typically make more money than their employees, traditionally only managers give gifts. But Marjorie Brody, president of Brody Professional Development, said that practice is changing, "especially for younger employees who see their boss as an adviser or teacher.”  As every office has its own customs and culture, prepare early by asking co-workers and human resources employees about the company's policies and traditions. Ms. Brody cautions junior employees against giving anything too pricey, personal (such as perfume or lotion) or gifts with religious connotations.

Some thoughtful presents include a donation to a charity in your boss's name, a subscription to a favorite magazine or baked goods if you're on a tight budget. Regardless of the gift you give, "always be gracious when receiving a gift," I said.  “If your boss or co-worker gives you a gift, it isn't necessary to reciprocate, but in all cases send a handwritten thank you card to show your appreciation.”

6 Tips for Balancing Volunteerism and Life

Last week, after we talked about the benefits of volunteering, no one will likely argue that it’s a worthwhile thing to do.  But how can you find time for it amongst the insanity of your everyday life?  Here are a few tips:

•          Determine what’s important and meaningful to you, and prioritize it.  Set aside specific time for personal relaxation and volunteerism and protect it.  Don’t forget about things like exercise, and putting energy into your most important relationships.

•          Blend work, personal time, and hobbies with volunteer activities.  For example, grab your friends and make this weekend’s 5K participation a time to catch up, or get to know people in other departments at work by signing up for the company fundraiser.

•          Keep an organized calendar.  This will prevent your obligations from seeming overwhelming.  In scheduling commitments, keep stress to a minimum by not double-booking activities or leaving only small windows in between activities.

•          Learn how to say no.  Walk away from activities that aren’t important to you or aren’t providing an appropriate level of satisfaction.  If you’re too busy, tell whoever’s asking you to help that you would love to work with them, but your schedule just won’t allow you to do the program justice right now.

•          Be mentally present.  If you do choose to engage in something, do it all the way.  Lay off the Blackberry and cell phone so that you can focus on the task at hand.

•          Be kind to yourself.  As someone who’s interested in volunteering, you have already shown yourself to be an upstanding citizen and moral human being.  But you won’t be able to do it all, and the things you do won’t turn out perfectly.  Recognize your own limitations and accept help from others when you can.

The Tale of 52 Jobs in a Year

Thanks to the folks over at Get That Job for pointing out the story of Sean Aiken, a twenty-something who is figuring out what he wants to do with his life by trying out a new job every week for a year.

According to Sean, after finishing college with a business degree, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t settle for a career that he was not passionate about.  Sean’s goal is to gain a better understanding of what he needs to be happy in a career, and to inspire others to pursue their passions.

How does this work?  Well, any company or individual can offer Sean a job for one week. The job can be absolutely anything, anywhere - garbage collection, actor, working the family farm, a suit and tie corporate position, etc.  Instead of paying Sean for the week, you make a donation to the Make Poverty History/ONE Campaign.

Sean is able to sustain the project through the kindness of strangers and corporate sponsorships.  He stays at private houses each week, takes the bus, and buys food using stipends he receives from NiceJob.ca and others.  Sean’s project is similar to what I was going for when I wrote my new book, How’d You Score That Gig?, (April 2008/Random House Ballantine) which profiles sixty of the coolest jobs on the planet and tells you how you can get them.  Today’s twenty-somethings aren’t content to work for a paycheck: they have been told their whole lives and anything is possible, and they want a career that leverages their unique skill sets while delivering personal satisfaction and meaning. 

Sean is currently in Week 37 of his endeavor, and he has generated national media attention in the process.  I commend him for having the courage to take a risk in search of his dream, and doing so in a creative and extremely marketable way!